Help,i wrote this letter to bank explaining my tough battle with money situation.Please correct my mistakes?

Question by Sanj K: Help,i wrote this letter to bank explaining my tough battle with money situation.Please correct my mistakes?
(My situation is that i had two jobs, One at retail store with commision, other one being a bartender.With the ongoing recession,my bar laid me off,second job at retail store with commision is terrible coz of hardly any sales..
My mortgage interest rate is 6%, and i want to request bank to lower interest rate. Because monthly i pay over $ 2500, and been struggling

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